You know those times when they come down your street pushing little paper bags through your door that say "Leave this bag outside tomorrow and we'll fill it with free samples of stuff"; so you leave the bag outside to get your free samples of stuff, but they never come back with their free samples of stuff, and you're sad because the bag's still on your doorstep, getting soggy in the rain, waiting forlornly for your free samples of stuff.
WHERE'S MY FREE SPECIAL K?
And this ain't the first time either. I'm still waiting for my free carton of fruit juice from three months ago.
That – my friends – is the very definition of Middle Class Angst.
And you know
that somewhere there's some light-fingered ne'er-do-well necking your free
carton of cranberry juice, munching on your free Special K straight out
of the box, feeding the free cereal bar to their dog-onna-string and you know deep down that you want to rip out their lungs,
fill them with helium and give them to a small child as a toy.
But I shall
do nothing of the sort. I will just sit on the doorstep, eyeing the
limp, empty paper bag, rocking back-and-forth and railing against the
world over my lost breakfast cereal that I don't even like.
Here ends today's lesson on the cruel nature of the human condition.
UPDATE: A happy ending! Kellogg's saw this post and have arranged vouchers. Hooray!